Saints Can't Help Me Now
by Gemmaaaaa
Summary: In a world where there are no Jedi and no Sith, there are only angels and demons. She cannot help but wonder, even a little… If he was good once, does it mean his soul can be saved?


_**A/N: I received a prompt from a user who wishes to remain anonymous: "An angel/demon AU. A few details I would like to see are demons having dark wings to contrast the light of angels, and that they're hot to the touch. Padme is an angel who is protecting a soul when she meets Anakin, a demon."**_

All angels have wings, white as snow, thick but yet still incredibly fragile and tender. All wings look the same, whether they belong to a mere angel or a Master, there are no differences. It offers a sense of equality; they are all the same, fighting the same fight. Strangely enough, although their wings are the only truth amongst all the myths mortals believe about angels, they are invisible to their eyes. When an angel extends a helping hand, it must be taken willingly, without the knowledge of who their saviour truly is. To accept help, they must first want it with every fibre of their souls. When she or her brethren appear to the mortals, they see one of them, nothing more. It's something that's always fascinated Padme… How different would mortals act, if they knew the friend who has recently come into their life was sent from the Gods above?

Such questions shall never be answered, and she supposes, that is a good thing.

Padme was not always an angel as some are… Far from it. She was once a mortal herself. She has no memory of the life she lived before becoming a guardian; all she remembers is Obi-Wan offering her a place among the angels after her passing. He spoke of all the _good_ she could do, and immediately, the idea of paradise paled in comparison.

She has been kept rather busy of late, easing the souls of precious mortals as they begin their passage into the afterlife, or fighting to keep corruption as far from good people as she can. However today, the Masters have a different job for her. There is a man who needs her help, his soul is on the precipice of ruin… He is in pain… He needs her gentle touch to guide him back to the light once more, to keep him safe. The loss of his parents has left him scarred and tortured for years now… He is loved by a family who welcomed him into their arms as one of their own many years ago, and yet he feels he has no place among them, even after years spent together. Such pressure on a soul could destroy anybody. It is a wonder that he has lasted so long without help. It is nothing short of a miracle that he has not yet been taken… His sort, mortals crippled by their pain attract demons like moths to a flame. Only it is the mortal who shall burn if the demon has their way.

Padme won't have it.

She finds him easily, he is a Senator, surrounded by deceit and corruption, and he's beginning to dabble in it too, losing his way beneath the strain of his soul's ache. At once her heart aches for him, undervalued by his colleagues, looked down upon over and over again, he feels worthless, and utterly alone. He truly is lost… She is here to rectify this.

At first, she keeps her distance, not wishing to approach him while he's surrounded by other Senators, instead watching him go about his daily business. She feels his pain as if it is her own, and she feels like she's drowning… When he is alone, in the dimly lit ship parking facilities, Padme approaches him, slowly, with a gentle smile. "Hello."

When he sees her, he sees only a woman before him, not her true form, yet he seems shocked anyway. Shocked that somebody has gone out of their way to approach _him_ , to speak to _him_ and it is clear he has felt too little of the kindnesses of the world these past years. "Hello… Who are you?"

"My name is Padme… You look like you could use a talk. Is there somewhere I can take you?" If angels did not have their gentleness, their auras of pure light, then she suspects, offers such as these would be judged as odd, as something to be wary of. Yet they are who they are, and the man smiles widely, relieved at the prospect of unloading the heavy burden he carries even a little bit this night.

"We could have a drink I suppose… There's a place I like, just around the corner from here. We can walk, if you like?"

"I would like that very much. What's your name?" Of course, she already knows this, but she finds allowing mortals to introduce themselves makes the connection feel more natural, and less… Sudden. It works better this way in her experience.

"Clovis… Rush Clovis."

Padme reaches for Clovis' hand, but pauses suddenly. Something in the air shifts, it is subtle, a presence barely there and yet she feels it. The room is tense now, and she feels eyes watching them, however from where, she can't tell yet. Clovis pulls his cloak around himself a little tighter and the hairs on the back of her neck stand, something isn't right… Any goodness, any gentleness surrounding their exchange is being smothered, crushed beneath something that would rather feast upon the pain this man feels than free his heart of its suffering.

There is a demon here.

Padme hasn't had dealings with a demon in quite some time, she's been lucky these past few decades. Her work has gone mostly uninterrupted by the dark side… Until now, unfortunately. She is prepared to fight; she will not lose Clovis' soul to the monsters of the underworld. Turning her back to the man she is sworn to help, Padme's eyes glance everywhere, searching for some sign or another of the darkness, and sees nothing. Not until it steps forward, out of the shadows it lurks within… Not it, _he._

He is tall, certainly much taller than she is, draped in a dark cloak, hood pulled up, concealing his face from her view, however she _can_ see his wings, large, and black… So dark she can barely comprehend it. He is like nothing she has ever seen before. He _radiates_ power, it almost drips from his fingertips and for the first time in a very long time, Padme is afraid. And not just for Clovis. The demon's head lifts, and she sees his face and a hint of blonde hair, his eyes are stained yellow with a terrible outline of red… A sure sign of a demon. Only someone who has been dragged through the deepest pits of Hell and enjoyed every moment of the ride could look like this.

He looks at her like he wants to tear her soul from her chest with his bare hands and consume it before her horrified eyes.

Clovis' comlink goes off, and thankfully he excuses himself into the hallway outside to answer it. Good, she needs to get him as far away from this demon as she can. With him here, she isn't sure how safe she can keep her ward. She watches him leave, waiting until the door slides shut behind him before her attention returns to the demon, waiting for him to bolt, to chase Clovis… But he does not. His attention is instead focussed on her. She's uneasy, so much so that she almost feels nauseous. The demon watches her, eyes wide for a moment, as if surprised, and then he laughs. It's a cruel, mirthless sound. He sounds almost pained rather than amused.

"I can't… _You!"_ He stutters, and sounds shocked and something very close to horrified and Padme frowns. _"_ I should have known they'd do something like this."

"I suppose you're here for his soul."

"I am."

The sound of his voice makes her swallow nervously… The vocal confirmation of what she already knows only makes it worse. She's prepared to fight him; she'll do anything to save Clovis' soul from the evil he promises. And yet still he does not move. Most demons would have engaged her by now, or at the very least revealed themselves to Clovis. This one has done _nothing_. Is it all part of his plot? To catch her off guard, then strike? She narrows her eyes at him, hands clenching into fists at either side of her, more for the need to _move_ than anything else.

"Hell cannot have him. I _won't let you_ take him. He is clean; his soul can be helped, placed back onto the right path. You and your kind are not going to ruin his potential."

At first, he does not speak, but instead _laughs_ at her, as if she has said something funny. There is nothing humorous about the evil he and his kind spread throughout the Galaxy. She shall not allow his cruelty to seep into Clovis, not now, not _ever_. "You're certainly passionate about this; I'll give you that Angel."

It feels like her heart is about to pound its way through her chest, she can almost hear it thudding… "And _you_ are deluded if you believe I'll let you have him. He's too good for the likes of you, too pure and _kind."_

"Your words are only sealing his fate _._ " The demon snarls, flashing his teeth, aggressive suddenly, and Padme swears her heart stops for a moment. No, she must be brave… He cannot see that he is frightening her; if he does then she has already lost the battle. Swallowing, Padme forces herself to take a step forward, closer to him, despite every part of her body and mind _screaming_ against such a move.

"I _dare_ you try and take him from me. See what happens." He only grins, that terrible knife-grin and leans closer, and she tries her hardest not to flinch as he does so. She's never been _this_ close to a demon before, and she's scared out of her wits. However she will not let Clovis down. He shall be saved. Evil will not touch him.

"Don't worry Angel… _I will_."

* * *

It is days later, when she, still shaken by her encounter with the demon, decides to find out more about him. If he is as determined to corrupt Clovis as she is to save him, then she will need all the information she can find about him. Mercifully, it is Obi-Wan she approaches, describing the appearance and arrogance of the evil she came across that night, and immediately he tenses, lowering himself down, into a chair with a loud sigh. Padme follows suit, sitting in the chair opposite the Master, and waits. Perhaps he has had a run in with this demon too?

"I know precisely who you speak of…" His eyes gaze off to the left, as fingers come up to stroke his beard. Something she's only ever seen him do in the midst of deep thought. It's something she's good at, noticing the traits and habits of others… It has served her well as a guardian. "I knew him, a very long time ago. Long before you were one of us." Padme nods along, leaning forward, desperate for any snippet of information she can get. So Obi-Wan has had dealings with this one? How did he overpower him?

"His name was Anakin… His story is a tragic one. While it may be difficult to believe now, he was once an angel just like you and I." Padme feels as if the floor has vanished from beneath her feet, and is grateful to be sitting down. That… _Monster_ was once an angel? He once _protected_ souls instead of ruining them… She cannot imagine him like that. Can't imagine him once _caring_ about people, about helping them. What could have happened, to turn him into the demon she met just a few days ago? Padme has seen fallen angels before, but _never_ like this. Usually they settled into a quieter existence, accepting their fate but this… This demon is _angry._ He like nothing she's ever seen before. His fall must have been a devastating one.

"… _How?"_ She finds herself whispering, desperate to know more about him, this fallen angel. There has only ever been one angel who has fallen as far as Anakin has, the monster who rules over Hell himself. _Sidious_. Padme has never met the leader of the demons, the Emperor of Hell and fire and for that she is eternally grateful… There are stories of those who have faced him… Terrible, terrible stories. Padme doesn't wish to become one of them.

"He was _good._ I know that may be difficult to believe now… He _was_ good. One of the best. But he always felt too much, and far too deeply. He struggled with walking away when the job was done; Anakin was never good at letting go. He became frustrated by our rules. Especially so, after… After he fell in love with a human. I believe she – not knowing who he truly was – loved him in return. I blame myself; I saw the attachment forming but did _nothing_. He was happier than I'd ever seen him… I should have told the other Masters, I see that now. She was married, unhappily. Arranged I believe. And Anakin's jealousy was the first step toward the darkness. Sometimes I worried it was driving him mad." Obi-Wan trails off, shaking his head. Hindsight truly reveals more than the eye sees in the moment, it sounds as if the Master is suffering greatly beneath the weight of his guilt.

"The woman, she became pregnant. I believe the children were his, though I have no way of being sure. And… It became clear toward the end of the pregnancy, that she would not make it through the birth. We were to prepare a place in paradise for her but Anakin… He wanted to intervene, desperate to save her life. But as angels, it isn't our job to interfere with such things. We could only ease her journey. Anakin was crazed. I think he realised that if she passed, and was granted a place in paradise he'd never see her again; and he'd be separated from the children, as there would be no link between our world and theirs for him to follow to find them as there was with the woman. As there is with all the souls we care for. The Masters wanted to keep him from the mortals, until they could train him to let go of all attachments."

Padme listens to the story closely, no longer looking at Obi-Wan but instead watching the floor beneath their feet. She cannot bear to look at him. He is in pain, so much pain from all of this… It's no wonder he hasn't taken on any lost souls while she's been a guardian, how can he lead someone back to the light, if he's suffering so much himself?

"Sidious seduced him with promises to save her life. To make him mortal so he could join her and the children. He was deceived, his mind twisted until everything became backwards, until he believed it is we angels who are the evil ones." Padme looks up just as Obi-Wan looks away from her, struggling with the emotions these memories clearly bring back and she feels guilty for making him relive it, but _she needs to know_ this.

Anakin was an angel once… He was good once. Has everything that was pure within him truly been poisoned by Sidious?

He swallows, fighting back horror as he speaks again, and Padme's heart quickens. Whatever he is about to tell her will not be pleasant to hear. "Sidious wanted a show of loyalty… Something to prove Anakin would bend the knee to him and do as he commanded in return for the woman's life and his own mortality. So he… He demanded wings, angel wings as a display of the power of the dark side." Shaking Obi-Wan lifts a hand to cover his mouth, and Padme leans back in her chair, a terrible feeling settling into the pit of her stomach. "Anakin used the dark side to overpower the Masters, and he… _Tore their wings_ from their backs… And allowed Sidious' demons to destroy them all." _No_ … It was an atrocity! An act of pure evil… How could _anybody_ do such a thing, much less do it out of _love_?! She feels sick… Rising from her chair, Padme shakes her head, stepping away from Obi-Wan, fighting back the tears she feels stinging her eyes. She's heard some stories about the destruction of the first Masters, but never this one.

"That was when he fell?"

"I believe Anakin fell the moment he kneeled before Sidious. But officially, yes, that's when he fell. He is known now by a different name, one bestowed upon him by Sidious. _Vader._ " Nodding, Padme keeps her back to the Master, looking up toward the ceiling to keep her tears from spilling. It's too tragic for her heart to take, too monstrous. An angel committing such terrible crimes is simply unthinkable, and yet a part of her, deep down, _understands_. He wanted to save the one he loved…

"What happened to the woman? Did she live? And the children? Where are they now?" She turns around to look at Obi-Wan, whose eyes immediately lower to the floor just as hers had earlier.

"She died anyway. Moments after the birth. The children… Lived with the woman's husband. I think Anakin would have taken them, if he knew where they were. We had the husband leave, move somewhere safer, far from Anakin's dark influence." Obi-Wan rises from his seat and steps toward the door, however before he leaves, he pauses, a hand on the framing around the wall and looks at her for a long moment. "When you passed, I offered you a place among us for a reason Padme." Then he is gone, leaving her alone. She doesn't know what the Master means, but despite that and her disgust and anger at the needless suffering this Anakin, this _Vader_ has caused, she cannot help but wonder, even a little… If he was good once, does it mean his soul can be saved?

* * *

Padme spends several weeks becoming Clovis' friend… He is a good man, pure hearted and truly only wishes to bring good to this world, she can see this clearly. He is someone _more_ than deserving of her help. They grow close and he begins opening up to her in all the ways she needs him to if she is to help him. Padme genuinely enjoys his company, he has so many stories to share, his life has certainly been a full one and she likes hearing about it. She protects him as much as she can, but she cannot be with him always, there are other souls who require her help too. However it is Clovis, who she worries most about. Without her presence nearby whether he sees her or not, he is a very conflicted soul, she worries he may yet fall into the hands of a demon.

Into the hands of _Anakin_. She will not call him Vader.

Her work with Clovis is going well, step by step she is guiding him back to the light, however there is something terribly wrong. Something she has not factored in. The longer she spends with him, the more he is becoming attached to her. He believes her to be a mortal just like him, a woman like any other who has come into his life and bettered it enormously. She is his only confidante, the only one he trusts in this life right now and this will not do at all. Humans are not supposed to grow attached to their angels. Just as angels are not supposed to grow attached to the souls they help. It only leads to pain, and pain leads to anger, which leads to suffering… Which leads to the dark side.

She fears that he may be falling in love with her, because she cannot love him in return, not the way he deserves to be loved.

It's an awful thought, that her help may just be leading him to even more heartache. This is something she cannot stand to even think about, so she pushes it from her mind and tries to forget it. Perhaps by the time she is done with him, he will be ready to let her go naturally, and her departure from his life shall leave him with a sense of peace rather than anguish.

She stands on the lower levels of Coruscant and watches Clovis' cruiser fly off, quickly becoming lost to her gaze in the busy air traffic above. Tonight she has made good progress with him, showing him how even a little corruption in a life like his can be devastating. Perhaps she will not have to protect him for much longer after all. He has been far easier to guide toward the light than she'd originally anticipated. This is a good sign, a wonderful sign…

" _Well done_ …" At once her body freezes, tensing as the air around her grows colder. She knows that voice. She'd know it anywhere. And after everything she's learned from Obi-Wan, she's afraid to be near him on her own, however there are parts of her that long to ease his pain. He is in such _terrible_ pain.

 _He took their wings. Ripped them from the Master's backs without mercy._

"You're doing a better job of breaking him than I ever could. Perhaps you should be one of us instead."

Padme keeps her back to him; eyes still trained on the spot Clovis' ship disappeared from. She knows exactly what he's talking about, but she won't give into his cruel teasing. _He was an angel… Just like her… He was good once._ There's silence for a few seconds, where neither of them speak. She has no intention of speaking to him at all tonight, not while he's saying such things. No, she'll wait until he grows bored of her lack of reaction to him and leaves.

"Don't be ignorant Angel. You know it as well as I do." His voice is laced with amusement and something else, something she can't quite place, and it dawns on Padme that he is _enjoying_ this, truly enjoying the impending heartache of Clovis. It is no wonder he fell. She fails to see how anyone so cruel could ever have cared about anyone as strongly as he cared for that woman. "You're going to crush his heart in the palm of your hand, and watch the ashes blow in the wind like leaves… What did you _think_ was going to happen? With all those pretty smiles and sweet touches…" He spits out, and finally, Padme turns to look at him. His face shows no sign of amusement as she thought it might, instead he looks… Angry… _Furious_ , even. "And you angels have the audacity to call us evil."

" _Stop it!"_ She snaps, giving him exactly what he wants. Padme will not listen to another word of this… It isn't true. He's wrong! She will not hurt Clovis; she is here to make him strong again, to show him the light. Not to push him toward the vultures waiting to drag him into Hell. _Calm down_ , she tells herself, repeating the words over and over again in her mind until the anger quietens somewhat. She cannot allow him to get the best of her like this. She is better than that.

She wants to hit him, to smack away that oh so _smug_ smirk he gives her, but instead she closes her eyes tightly. She must remain calm… He is antagonising her on purpose, do not let him win. She is an angel; they do not feel anger, or hatred… Only love.

Quickly, unable to stand being so close to him a moment longer, Padme turns on her heel, takes a few steps away from him, then vanishes. It will not be the last time she sees him, she is not foolish enough to believe that, but it _is_ the last time she will give him power over her like this.

* * *

She sees him quite often, he's always lurking in the corner of her eye, watching her do her duty. Sometimes Padme isn't particularly sure if it's always him she sees, or simply a dark shadow in the corner, even still she's constantly on edge. Strangely, he makes no move to approach her when she does see him, he never speaks… Just watches her. And perhaps even more strangely, she allows him to. There is a shift in the air, she is no longer afraid of him, or his poisoned words. Her curiosity regarding him still lingers like a burning thirst, one she is not sure is safe to quench.

It's late, so late that even the nightlife of Coruscant is beginning to wind down for the night… Or perhaps she should say morning. She has just left the home of one of her suffering souls, after easing the pain of loss that threatened to cripple her. Padme has been afraid the woman will do something terrible if she's left alone too long, so she stayed all night, watching over her. The loss of a spouse is a pain she has seen torture countless souls, and the road to recovery is not an easy one but if a mortal is strong enough, they can endure it.

Turning into a dim alleyway, Padme walks confidently, shielding herself so no mortal eyes may see her. When a large shadow appears at the end of the alley she stills, it's too large to be a mortal, and she can sense the aura of dread seeping from it, then she sees them, the large black wings, far larger than her own… A demon. Instantly the air around them becomes cold, and her breath comes faster. Why is it here? There are no mortals to take… It shouldn't be here. She turns to leave the way she came, but is blocked by another one, trapping her.

"Well, well, well… We've gone and caught ourselves an angel…" One of them growls, and even in the darkness she can see sharp teeth hidden behind his lips, each one of them filed to a knifepoint, ready to tear away a victim's flesh and savour their agony. Swallowing, Padme takes a few steps back, before remembering the other one and looks at him over her shoulder. They're both advancing on her, too quickly for her to _think._ What is she going to do?

Quicker than lightening, one of them – she isn't sure which – uses its clawed fingers to grab at her hair, throwing her to the ground with a harsh laugh. Demons attacking angels is not an uncommon occurrence; however it is rare that it happens like this, without provocation. Usually when there is a fight, it is over a soul… Or to stop an attack on a mortal before it happens.

"I've never spilled angel blood before." The other one growls, and Padme tries to scramble to her feet, but is stopped by a foot on her back, crushing her back to the ground. The touch, even through her clothes _burns_. It singes her skin painfully but she fights back the cry of pain it creates. She will not give them the _pleasure._

"When we're done with her, we can tear those pretty wings from her back _feather by feather._ Lord Sidious will enjoy such a gift." Panic explodes inside Padme, she has been afraid before, but she has never been as truly terrified as she is now. There must be a way to free herself from this! There is always a way out. "I warn you," she struggles to speak while pressed to the ground like this, though somehow she manages it. "I have friends among the Masters! They will not take an attack like this lightly!" Instead of striking fear into their dark, dark hearts, they merely laugh at her. Suddenly the weight on her back is lifted, yet before she has a chance to rise to her feet, _blinding_ pain tears through her wing, originating at the top and clawing its way through her entire body. She cries out _loudly_ , unable to stop it. Something has slashed through her wing! There are feathers falling all around her, an awful clue as to the damage inflicted upon her, and yet with the pain, she's powerless to move. Padme has _never_ felt anything like it before – never! It happens again, tearing another cry from her lips, only this time it's to the other wing.

It is so bad; she loses consciousness for a moment, seeing only darkness surrounding her vision. She _cannot_ take another swipe like that, it'll destroy her. "Easy! The Master will want them in one piece, remember?." Her visions swims and those are the last words she hears before the darkness claims her.

* * *

Padme wakes up multiple times, only for mere moments at a time, and wonders if those demons have somehow destroyed her. Consciousness never lasts longer than a minute at the most, the pain in her wings sees to that. When she wakes again, she has no idea how long she has been sleeping, has it been hours? Days? She doesn't feel time like mortals do; however she knows she can't be separated from those she's supposed to be helping for too long. They'll think she's forgotten them. Her eyes open slowly this time, everything is blurred, she can barely see a thing but she can feel. _Oh_ she can feel. The pain is agonising, it hasn't dulled since wounds were inflicted, only now, to make things worse, her head pounds too, and she feels like she's about to be sick. What happened? What did the demons do to her? She tries to move, but the resulting wave of pain steals what little breath she has in her lungs and tears yet another agonised cry from her lips.

Somewhere to the left she hears the sound of a door opening and closing behind someone, she hears their heavy footsteps and her immediate fear is that it's the demons from before, so she tries to fight through the pain to move. She has to get away from them, has to go _home_ and have her wings healed before the damage becomes permanent. Padme will _not_ be destroyed here and leave her helpless souls lost without her. Her vision is still much too blurred to see anything other than splashes of colours and fuzzy movements, there's something – someone standing at the foot of the bed, but she can't tell who. All she can see is black, black and the glow of yellow eyes.

"Rest, Angel." Is all Padme hears before losing consciousness once more.

* * *

She dreams many things, hazy images, perhaps things she saw in her fleeting moments of consciousness… She sees someone leaning over her, feels the burn of their touch along her jaw… The dream shifts to a dark alleyway, there is a figure draped in black, their large dark feathered wings concealing most of her view. They stand between something and two dark shadows. Not something, _her._ Whoever they are, they're protecting her, raising an arm and sending the other demons flying backward.

She sees nothing more of this, instead the dream changes, morphing into flashes of her. It's strange; it's as if she's watching herself from outside of her body… She is young, a mere child, bouncing on a bed with another little girl, _sister_ the dream hisses. Feathers are flying everywhere freed from a pillow one of them has burst; they fall over them like flakes of snow. Padme sees everything happening slowly, as if this beautiful moment has slowed down just for her view, she can feel the sweet, childish joy as if she lives once more. It all melts away and is replaced by many colours… Many people… They're celebrating. Padme sees herself, dawned in white lace fighting back tears as a golden band is slipped onto her finger. Everything goes black and remains that way, though she cannot see anything she feels a crippling misery. It's something she has felt from her lost souls every day since becoming an angel. The darkness endures, so too does the misery… And then suddenly, there is light.

She sees him, so handsome, so _light_ touching her cheek and drawing a smile from her. The misery has cleared at the sight of him; all Padme can feel now is _love_ … They grin at each other as he leans down, pressing a gentle kiss to her lips. Just as she steps toward the couple, they fade away, into darkness and she sees herself again, clearly with child… She's talking to him… But she can't hear what they say to each other. His face is hard and his body tense, while she presses her head to his chest and sighs. The moment does not last long… Not long at all.

There is a deafening scream… A woman's… _Hers._ Yet she can only see darkness again. Another scream, then Padme hears it… Hears herself crying, " _Anakin… Please help me_!" The darkness fades and she sees herself one final time, she's in pain. So much pain. There are people surrounding her, mopping her forehead with a cool cloth, holding her hands… There are medical droids attempting to do their jobs and then… An infant's scream. Then another. Padme watches her own head fall to the side as a laboured breath falls from her lips and everything is still.

She hears another scream, a man's this time, every bit as agonised as hers, then laughter… The most sinister laughter she has ever heard.

" _Rise… Vader."_

Padme wakes with a scream of her own, bolting up, finally awake for good and horrified by what she's just witnessed. _No…_ No! This cannot be true, it _can't_. Her heart races, pounding against her chest as she pants, attempting to catch her breath. She can't think… Can't make sense of any of this. It isn't true. She would have remembered something sooner! She still doesn't remember… Not really.

" _When you passed, I offered you a place among us for a reason Padme."_

The story Obi-Wan told her… It is about her. _She_ is the woman. Anakin loved her… Loved her so much he fell from Heaven to the lowest depths of Hell to save her life. He destroyed Masters to learn how to keep her alive! And yet, she had passed anyway… Life can be cruel sometimes. Is it any wonder he is the way he is? All this time, each time they've run into each other he has carried this knowledge with him, yet held back by her lack of memories. It's not fair… She wanted to find a way to ease his pain, but how is it possible when she _is_ his pain?

The door to her left opens suddenly, and Padme tenses as he walks through the door, those yellow eyes watching her every move as she pants desperately, trying to catch her breath. His eyes were blue before... It's the first thing that comes into her head when she sees him. His eyes were blue, a striking blue… So much better suited to him than the yellow they are now. He suited the blue, he suited being _good_. She may not remember knowing him, _loving him_ … But she knows she did.

What she doesn't know, is what she's going to do about it. She's drawn to him, has been for some time now… Evil has its allure after all. She bites her lip, watching him come to lean forward against the metal bedframe at the foot of the bed and takes another long, shuddering breath. He doesn't know she knows… He believes she's still ignorant to what happened between them. Is it cruel to let him continue to believe that? Would knowing she knows what happened soothe his tortured soul even a little?

"You're finally up." He says at last, and Padme swallows, allowing herself a moment to look around the room… It's small, barely furnished, a bed large enough for two and a desk and pressed to the wall on the right… For somebody who spends his time prowling the streets for mortals to drag down to Hell and following his Emperor's commands day in and day out, it is enough. What else would he need?

Her voice is hoarse and it cracks painfully when she speaks, "why did you help me?" She knows why… But she wants to hear him say it. If he'll admit what once was between them, then she'll tell him what she knows. But only if he admits it. There are so many questions she needs answered by him her mind is burning…

"That's not exactly how most people show gratitude to their saviour, angel or not…" He's not going to tell her, is he? She can't tell him she knows if he doesn't say it first, she _can't._ Padme needs to hear it from his own lips, she is the reason he fell. She is the reason he committed such foul atrocities against the Masters… It is all her fault. She needs to hear it acknowledged.

"How did you heal my wing? Demons can't heal… That was taken from you when you fell." There is no pain anymore, from either of her wings, and she's never been more relieved about anything. Merely thinking of how bad it was makes her feel _sick._ It was a blessing that he came… She couldn't have endured anymore of it.

The flash of surprise across his face tells Padme he didn't know she knows about that. The expression is gone almost as soon as it appears; he smothers it beneath an impassive mask. How long has he worked to perfect that? Perhaps now, he may speak of what happened between them. Now she's given him this clue, Padme hopes he will take the bait and finally open up about everything that has passed. She wants to know everything, what happened to make them fall in love? How could he have fallen so far in her name?

"I have contacts. I called in a favour or two."

She wants to shake her head at him, to throw one of the pillows straight at his face for being so damned exasperating! No, no… She is an angel… She must have control over herself. Especially where he is involved… "The Masters must be looking for me." Obi-Wan especially, he cares about her, he is the very reason she is where she is now. If he hadn't come to offer her this position, she would never have gotten to see Anakin again, no matter how much he may be irritating her right now.

"It'll give them a reason to get out of their chairs and actually _do_ something for once." He snarls and Padme's eyes widen. He talks about the Masters with such hatred… Does he blame them still, for what happened to her? The things he did to the first Masters… The horror he created, it was all for her. It can't sink into her mind. He leaves after that, disappearing through the door without another word leaving Padme to her thoughts. It feels like… His sins are hers too. They were committed in her name after all… She is as tainted by the dark side as he is by them. She doesn't want that, she wants to be clean, _pure._

She waits a few minutes before climbing out of the bed and pushing open the window, glancing back over her shoulder. She can't stay here any longer, it's dangerous. She must find Clovis and make sure he's alright, along with her other souls and then she has to go home. They'll be wondering what's happened to her. It's easy to climb out of the window, his apartment is on Coruscant's lower level, so the drop is small, and she lands on her feet. At once she vanishes, praying he hasn't noticed she's gone yet.

There is so much she must think about, and she needs to do it as far away from him as possible.

* * *

It takes far longer to find Clovis than she'd originally thought it would. He is neither in the Senate Hall nor his apartment when she arrives there. So she waits, and waits… And waits. He doesn't arrive home for hours, and Padme paces outside the door worrying herself sick. What if something has happened while she wasn't here to protect him? She'll never forgive herself… _Never!_ She swore to protect him, and keep him safe and he must believe she's abandoned him. After all, what other reason would he have to make sense of her sudden disappearance?

Padme has no idea how exactly long she's been here when she sees him round the corner, alive and well. He looks tired, but otherwise perfectly normal. Relief rushes through the angel, more so when he sees her and smiles back. He's not angry with her. What a relief! At once she opens her arms to embrace him, and he comes willingly. "I'm so sorry I haven't been around lately!" She rushes to explain, ending the embrace and holding him at arm's length to further inspect him. She has been lucky… Nothing has happened to him and for that she is _forever_ grateful. "Things have been… Strange. But you have my full attention now." She wants to hear everything he has done, to see what progress he's made without her.

"Padme… These last few days without you here… They've truly opened my eyes." Clovis' fingers come up to touch her cheek, the touch does not burn her skin harshly, as Anakin's had, it's quite the opposite really. Clovis is gentle where Anakin is rough. He touches her as if he cannot quite believe she is truly standing here with him. "Without you, life is dark and empty… There was no hope. You have returned my hope to me." There is something in his eyes, something that should not be there when he looks at her; it is something affectionate, something desperate… For a moment, Padme is transfixed, unable to look away though she knows she has to put an end to this. He leans forward, and still she does not move, not even when his lips press against hers, gentle at first, and when she doesn't pull back, a little firmer. It's wrong… Wrong, wrong, wrong. And not simply because she is his guardian angel, but the sensation of his lips on hers doesn't awaken anything within her… It stirs nothing.

"No." Padme gasps, breaking the kiss and turning away from him. She shouldn't have let that happen… What is she _thinking?_ He is not supposed to want her. What has she done? "Clovis…" She takes a breath before meeting his confused gaze once more, guilt flooding her chest, and halting her ability to speak. "I _do_ care for you… But it can't… It's not like that. It can't be."

At once he stiffens; jaw tightening and she can see the hurt clear in her eyes. She's hurt him… It isn't supposed to be this way. She's supposed to free him of his pain and suffering, to guide him back to the light and then step back and leave him to live his life. "I see." His lips press together in a tight line, yet she sees them quiver a little. It breaks her heart. She should have been more careful with him! This was avoidable… And now she has broken his heart.

"Clovis… I'm sorry, it's-"

"I think I should get some rest, it's been a long day. Goodnight." Padme lets him step inside of the apartment without her, and watches the door close behind him, feeling her own lip threatening to quiver. She saw the signs of this, yet ignored them because she was desperate to prove Anakin wrong. Now she has done the very opposite of that… This could be the very thing that topples Clovis over the edge, even after all the work she's done to keep him in the light.

She may have thrown him into the arms of demons tonight.

Padme stands there, watching the door for several long moments before she turns away with a sigh. The damage is done, and now she can only hope she has made him strong enough to resist the darkness that calls for him through his pain. She could easily just will herself out of the building and back to the streets, yet she walks through each hallway and takes the elevator like a mortal. Everything about her is simply… Numb. What she has done is unforgivable. It is a strike against her own soul. She can't go home to face the Masters, not yet. She can't face them and explain what has happened tonight… Perhaps she's a coward now too.

She leaves the building and walks, no destination in mind. She's still got her wits enough to shield herself from mortals, it's better that she remains hidden for now. And it means it is less likely she shall be interrupted from her thoughts by Deathstick merchants, or promoters attempting to lure her into their clubs or bars. Tonight she needs the quiet, or at least, she needs to ignore everything else around her.

A hand comes up to wipe away the stray tear that's spilled over onto her cheek when she hears it. The laughter… There is only one who would be here tonight, laughing at the tragedy of what has happened through her own foolishness. At once she straightens and stops walking. She couldn't avoid him if she tried right now, so what is the point of fighting it? "I told you this would happen." In this moment, she _loathes_ him… He is cruel and downright awful and she wonders how she could ever have cared for him in the past.

"Yes, you made your thoughts on the matter _quite clear."_ Turning around to face him, Padme finds him leaning against the wall, arms crossed over his chest. He wears his dark cloak, however the hood is not pulled up and she is given a full view of his face. He _is_ handsome… Very much so. But the appeal he holds is ruined by her knowledge of what he has become. She once loved him… And deep down, she still does. But she cannot afford such a weakness. At the sight of the wet trail her tear has left behind, Anakin pushes himself up, off of the wall and is standing close to her in three strides.

"My sweet Angel…" His thumb traces across her cheek, and her skin _burns_ beneath the touch… It is painful, but not enough to make her cry out. Instead her breath hitches a little, and she keeps her gaze locked onto his demonic eyes. Yes, he looked far better when they were blue. Somehow, Padme finds she misses them though she has no true memory of seeing him with them. "You remember don't you?" He asks, voice low, strained by the need for her answer. She isn't surprised he has worked it out… It was only a matter of time.

"No… But I _know._ " His fingers move from her cheek, along her jaw and cup her neck tightly. Each moment his touch lingers, the burn seems to fade somewhat… His touch is still hot, too hot. Demons are not supposed to touch angels like this. It's uncomfortable, but he doesn't pain her as he did before. "Obi-Wan told me terrible things… He told me what you did to the Masters Anakin."

At once she is pushed back against the nearest wall; her back collides with the solid steel, making her gasp. His face twists into a scowl as his other hand comes to rest upon her waist. She can feel the heat of his touch through her clothes. "I don't want to talk about _him_. They wouldn't save you… I had to do _something_. You were going to die! I would lose my link to you and lose our children too." For the first time, Padme allows herself to think about them… Her _children._ She has children somewhere out in the world. She supposes they won't be children anymore, she has been an angel for decades, and they'll have grown into adulthood long ago.

"You lost _everything_ and gained _nothing._ Don't you see that?" He is dammed, a demon of Hell, and she is an angel of Heaven. After all he did to appease Sidious; he has nothing to show for it. Obi-Wan said he doesn't know where the children are, and she thinks that perhaps it is a good thing.

"You're here, aren't you? Things may not have happened how I expected, but now you're here… Everything can be how it once was. I love you, I always have!" He sounds half-crazed and desperate, yet the way he smiles at her makes her heart rate speed up considerably. She shouldn't feel like this, it's wrong… After everything he has done, he doesn't _deserve_ her love. Not anymore.

"What you did… That wasn't out of _love_ … It was dark, it was evil! Love is something pure, and wonderful… Not twisted and selfish." Anakin scoffs, releasing her and taking a step back. She can almost _see_ the frustration he feels, it is palpable, coming off of him in waves. Did he expect this to be _easy?_

"Love is not something beautiful Padme." She cannot help visibly shuddering in response to his words… This is the first time he has said her name… Hearing it rolling off of his tongue, even when he's like this does something… Indescribable to her. "It's not _pure_ , it is cruel… It's painful. Love is a chain around your neck, binding you to the one you love, so much so that you'll do _anything_ for them. Love is as evil as anything else I've seen in Hell! It's an invisible force, squeezing the life out of you from your throat… Each day it's hold grows tighter and tighter. The pain is addictive… You long for it to stop yet you can't live without it." His words have her frozen, trapped against the wall by the weight of her shock more than anything else. He looks _exhausted_ suddenly, worn down by what loving her has done to him. She can see it in his eyes; he is a slave to it. Every inch of Padme trembles, not one part of her can remain still as she lifts her chin to look him in the eye.

" _That_ is not love…" She begins, voice barely above a whisper because she _cannot_ force anything louder from her lips at the moment. She can feel herself trembling, and he sees it too. "That is a _prison._ "

Anakin falls to his knees before her, and Padme can't stand to look at him suddenly, and raises her eyes to the sky instead, forcing herself to look at the stars instead. She has imprisoned him with a love she cannot remember giving him… And yet she feels it, deep in her soul Padme knows she loves him. She loves him all the way into the dark recesses of his soul, loves everything about him. She loves the every _breath_ of him. There is no when, or how or even why… Her love simply is.

"Then you're my jailor." He murmurers, pressing his forehead against her stomach, and her eyes finally look down at him. He's right, she is his jailor. She is the one who has trapped him, it was in her name that he fell from Heaven and turned his back on all he knew. The heat of his skin burns her even through her dress, searing her skin, and Padme finds she's all too quickly becoming used to it.

"I will free you…" She offers, half-pleading with him. If he wishes it, she will open the cage and release him finally from his captivity. Her still shaking hand comes to brush through his curls, and the action feels so very familiar though she can't remember ever doing it before now. Perhaps if she lets him go, it shall cure him of the darkness corrupting him, he could become what he once was without her holding him back. Anakin looks up at her, and she realises that once more her eyes have filled with unshed tears, as have his. They're both suffering… She has not realised she's been suffering all this time until now. He stands, not quite to his full height as he leans down to look her in the eye.

" _Never."_ It is all he says before he captures her lips in a harsh kiss; it is biting, full of teeth clashing and tongues mating. Her hands cup his face, gasping as the heat of him threatens to burn her until she's nothing but a pile of ashes in his arms. His own hands are _everywhere_ , he is like a man dying of thirst stumbling across a river, his desperation for her is alike nothing Padme has ever known, and she is utterly helpless against it. She doesn't know what happens next, or what shall become of them now. They are bound to one another, heart and soul. There is no grey area when it comes to them or their love. It is either everything or there is nothing at all. When it comes to them, everything is either black or it is white. She shall either purge him of the darkness he has fallen into, or he shall drag her down to Hell and there will be no in-between. He could _destroy_ her… Loving her has already destroyed him once before, and Padme fears now it is _her_ turn to face ruin in the wake of their love.

Whatever it may be, she accepts her fate, so long as he is by her side, _forever._


End file.
